Wow!

Here I am, on the eve of my first day of student teaching. With work, school, and illness, I was a little overwhelmed last semester. God, of course, saw me through and I ended up with A's in both classes. As it worked out, the only course I have this semester is my Clinical Practicum. That's a really good thing. With being at the school from 7:45 am to 3:45 pm Monday through Friday, my full-time work schedule had to change. I found out last Tuesday (yes, December 30) that my proposed work schedule wasn't approved. For reasons of which I am still unclear, I can't work on Saturdays. Less than one week before my new schedule starts, I found out that, instead of going from 40 hours a week to 33 hours a week, I'll only be able to work 25 hours a week. With my job being our only income, we've barely been making it as is.

I have to admit, I'm really unsure what will happen. I've been praying about this semester for quite a while. Actually, since I realized that I wouldn't get an internship. I keep reminding myself of several things. It's only four months. I should be finished with my student teaching by the beginning of May. I still have my student loan coming. I've been praying about it, and Paul and I are planning to switch cell phone carriers to get a cheaper plan. When my loan comes in, we'll pay off/catch up on a few bills. God is in control. He hasn't brought me this far to let me fail now. If this weren't in His plan, God would have stopped me before now. I've prayed the entire way and followed the doors He has opened.

The fact that everything has not gone my way doesn't mean that I'm doing the wrong thing. I think it means that God wants me to wait for Him and trust in Him. If it were easy, I could do it myself. I wouldn't need God. I believe this is another instance where God is proving to me that I do need Him, every minute of every day. Philippians 4:13 has been very important to me throughout this journey. My mom posted Ezra 7:10 on my Facebook timeline today. Not familiar with that verse? I wasn't, either. Here's the post from my mom:

We had this in Sunday School this morning and I thought of you.
Ezra 7:10
For Ezra had set his heart to study the law of the Lord and to practice it, and to teach His statutes and ordinances in Israel.

God helped Ezra and He can help you. We studied the first 10 verses of chapter 7 this morning, but you could read the whole book. It's pretty short.

With the realization that I will only be a part-time employee came the realization that I will no longer have insurance. I don't know if I've mentioned it in a previous post, but I have medical conditions for which I take medications. They're pretty much affordable with insurance. Without insurance, I don't know. I can't even really afford the $35 and $50 copays to see my doctors right now. But God will provide. I guess I'll be seeking medical care at the free clinic with the others in my area who have no insurance, can't afford insurance, and can't afford to see a regular doctor. But I know God is in control. I'm sure some things in my life needed to change. I guess this is a good way for me to change them.

Please don't read this and think that I'm just sitting here waiting for God to do something and make everything okay. I know that isn't how He works. As I recently read somewhere, God isn't some magician that just makes what we need appear. He works in many ways. I'm praying about finding a weekend job. I don't really want to work on weekends, but if I need to for a few months, I will. I'm still praying about my husband finding a job. He's been looking for so long, we're both becoming frustrated with it.

This will be a super busy semester. I'll give updates as I can. And if you're reading this, please keep both my husband and me in your prayers.

Praying for Guidance

Even though school started Monday in Texas, I've been checking the job postings every day. I have applications in for aide positions at three or four schools. (I'm pretty sure it's four, but it could only be three.) Today, I got an email from one of the districts, letting me know that I've been selected as a candidate for the position. I was pretty excited when I started reading the email. Then I got to the part where it listed the approximate pay. Almost $20,000 a year less than I currently make. I knew it would be a big cut in pay, but I wasn't expecting it to be THAT much. I had already realized I'll probably need a second job if I take an aide position. I told Paul and my mom that when I started applying for them. I have to admit, my heart sank when I read those numbers. I'm not sure I can work two full-time jobs and take classes. And I'm almost positive I won't make enough at a part-time job. But a huge pay cut is better than not getting paid at all for my student teaching semester. I can already feel myself starting to stress over this situation. That's where prayer comes in.

I know God already has the answer. He already knows exactly how this entire school year will work out for me. And I know He isn't about to unveil His entire plan to me in the next few days. I have until 3:00 Wednesday to respond to request an interview. As I told Paul, going to the interview doesn't mean I'll be offered a job right then. In fact, I'm reasonably certain that won't happen. And if they do offer me the position, I don't have to accept it. That's why I'm praying for God's guidance. Should I accept the interview? Each interview I have gives me that much more interview experience. Should I start looking for a second job, just in case they do offer me the job? Will the other districts even contact me for an interview? One, way closer to my house, just closed the posting two days ago. Have they even started weeding through the applicants? I have so many questions. So many thoughts are running through my mind. And most of them are probably moot. God's got this. Obviously, I don't. I need to keep praying. I need to keep asking for wisdom and guidance in making these decisions. I need to wait. And listen. And trust God.

If you're reading this, please pray for me.

God's got this and He is in control.

Like I mentioned before, Paul has been sick since Halloween. The past couple days, he's been feeling better. We were even able to go to a restaurant Friday night to celebrate my sister Nancy's birthday on Saturday. He felt pretty good yesterday. This morning, he was nauseous and sick to his stomach and complained of being cold. (If you know Paul, you know that he's probably cold about as often as he's sick. He even wears flip flops out when it's cold.) Why did I tell you all that? To get to my point. But, before I get there, I need to rewind a little more.

Yesterday, I decided to go ahead and go to Starbucks to work on my chapter review for Human Growth and Development. I got my test corrections for the educational research class done, but I only wrote maybe another page on the chapter review. I just couldn't seem to focus on it. Anyway, since Paul woke up sick again, I decided to stay home today and just work on my homework here. Not going so well. I ate lunch, checked Facebook, downloaded some more of my digi scrapping supplies (I'm redoing the entire way I organize my kits. Long story, which would probably be even more boring than this one.). I was only going to do that while I ate lunch, but I decided to check my university email before I got started. Then, for some reason, I decided to check Pinterest. Two hours later, I realized I needed to start the chapter review. I tried to start it in the bedroom, but the overhead light just glared on the pages of the textbook. Polly and Court were running around and Paul kept pulling the blanket I was under. None of that was helping me focus. I decided to go to the living room. I packed up the laptop, my book, my phone, drinks, and snacks. Now, here I sit in the living room, still not able to focus on this chapter review, which is due Tuesday night. I'm worried about Paul; he was doing so much better, now he seems to be getting worse again. I absolutely cannot miss class again this week to take him back to the doctor. I'm not even sure if I'm doing the darned review the right way; Dr. R really didn't give us much instruction on what he wanted.

I had a little blow up last night. There are lots of things around the house that Paul has been saying he would take care of for the last year, since he was laid off his job. None of them have been done and it's only getting worse. To him, this stuff isn't a big deal. To me, it just adds chaos that I don't need. After I came home last night, we had already discussed watching Parkland and Grown Ups 2. One little thing happened as I was putting the Parkland disc in the blu-ray player and off I went. I even threatened to unregister (is that even a word?) for my Spring classes and quit my job so maybe I would have the time and energy to do the stuff myself. I don't really know why I said that. I'm not going to quit school. If I don't get my degree, I'm jumping right off God's path again. I know I won't quit my job; I like having a place to live and all the other things my pay allows us to afford. I calmed back down, almost as quickly as I had blown up. Then I had to apologize. I wonder if my blow up had anything to do with Paul feeling worse again today. I hadn't even thought of that until now.

As little as I am accomplishing today, I would usually go to Starbucks. Or, at the very least, go to the university. I just don't feel like getting ready to go out in public. I am exhausted, mentally and physically. I don't feel like showering and washing my hair. I don't feel like pulling out clothes and getting dressed. I don't feel like driving across town. All I really feel like doing is laying down, watching TV, and doing something that doesn't take much mental or physical effort. I guess this chapter review that I seem to be avoiding doesn't take much physical effort. Not much more than typing this blog post, clicking around Facebook, or downloading and organizing digital scrapbooking kits. The main problem with doing the review today seems to be my lack of mental energy. As I sit here typing this post in the living room, which shares a wall with our bedroom, I can faintly hear the TV. I'm the only one in here; the furbabies are in the bedroom with Paul. It's almost peaceful. I haven't had many peaceful times lately. It seems that my mind is always busy--reading a chapter or some research article, working on an assignment, thinking about what needs to be done, or thinking about work. My mind always seems to be going. And when I'm scattered like this, I forget to take my meds, which only makes the anxiety and depression and lack of energy worse. It's times like these when I think things like "No wonder God hasn't given us a child. When would I have time for him or her? How would I be able to take care of a child when I can barely get up early enough in the morning to get to work on time?" I know this is all temporary. I just need to pray more and have more faith and trust in God. He's already got all this figured out. I don't need to stress about my missing Test #1 in my research class. I don't need to worry about Paul like I have been. I don't need to worry about my own health like I do. God's got this and He is in control.