You're not gonna believe this!

If you know me well at all, you know I procrastinate. Throughout my career as an undergrad, I have justified it by pointing out that I always did better on the papers I wrote the night before they were due and often did better on tests when I crammed the night before. The problem with doing that is extra stress. Working a full-time job and being a full-time grad student is stressful enough; I don't need the extra stress of procrastination. Granted, I usually finish reading my chapters on Sunday and Monday nights. There is a good reason for that. If I read the chapters at the beginning of the week, I'll forget what I read by the next week when it's time to take the tests. I pace myself. And I try to get the assignments for my web class, Teaching with Emerging Technologies, done early. This week, I actually accomplished that goal. I even took a screen shot to prove it.

Now I have more time for researching and working on the final project. Don't ask me to explain it. Even though I've read the assignment a few times, I don't really remember exactly what the project is. I also need to get all my research done for Human Growth and Development. I don't want to get stuck not having enough resources and not be able to get something soon enough through inter-library loan. 

I'm actually pretty proud of myself. I guess trusting God is helping me grow in more ways than one.

I do not have to be in control . . .

I have this almost pathological need to be in control of my assignments. Individual assignments, paired assignments, group assignments, it doesn't really matter. I thought I had learned my lesson in Summer II. I wasn't able to participate at my usual level on a group book review for one of my classes. Not that I didn't want to, of course, but I simply didn't have time between working full-time and taking two pretty time intensive classes in one five week semester. In my web class this semester, it looks like we have a few group assignments, the first of which is to develop a group wiki. (If, like me, the only wikis you've ever heard of are Wikipedia and Wikileaks, you can check out these links the professor gave us:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wiki and http://www.techterms.com/definition/wiki )

I have to admit, this is driving me a little nuts. I want to hurry up and get my stuff for this class knocked out as soon as I can so I have the rest of the week for my other classes and my personal life. (Yes, I really do think I can still have a personal life. A little one, at least.) The rest of my group is apparently not where I am right now. I heard from a couple of them after I messaged them, so I know some are still doing the reading and watching the videos. After last semester, I know about trouble fitting everything in.

My instinct is to just take over. Follow the professor's instructions for setting up the wiki and just let everybody else do their part and, hopefully, have it all done a little early. But I know that most likely isn't what I need to do. I am a group member, not the leader of the group. It is OUR group, not MY group. (Did you notice I keep referring to it as my group?)

For now, I am just sitting back and letting it all unfurl the way it's supposed to. At least that's what I'm trying to do. I couldn't even tell you how many times I've gone to the Blackboard page for the class and checked the messages, the discussion board, and the group discussion board, where one of the group members posted a couple times. But for tonight, I've checked it for the last time. I hope!

How did I do it?

I was just thinking about when I was an undergrad. I went to college most days and worked most evenings, yet I was still able to get my homework done and not be tired all the time. Then I thought about it some more. I went straight from high school to college; I was only 22 when I graduated with my B.S. And my work schedule was much different. During my first two years of college, I worked on campus, often during long breaks between classes, or after my classes were finished. I also worked weekends as the hostess at a restaurant. Between the two jobs, I almost worked full-time hours while I was taking 12-13 hours per semester. After I transferred to complete the upper division classes, I was working one part-time job, mostly in the evenings, but I was easily able to work around my class schedule. I lived at home with my parents and sisters. I had very little financial responsibility.

My life as a grad student is quite different. I work a full-time job and have bills to pay. My work schedule is not very flexible. I'm a substance abuse counselor for an intensive outpatient treatment program. For the past year, I have worked three 10 hour days per week, ending at 9:00 pm (approximately, anyway!); my other 10 hours were spread out over two days. Since I have two evening classes this semester, I now only work two 10 hour days, spreading my other 20 hours over three days, two of which end early due to my classes. I still don't get home until after 9 pm three nights a week. (This week it was four nights because I chose to do something else instead of coming straight home Tuesday night.) It's pretty hard to get a lot done during the week, which means most of my reading and studying must happen on the weekends. I mean, I'm still reading the same article I started reading Tuesday for my web class.

Is there ever really a perfect time to continue your education? I seriously doubt it. After this semester, I'll decide if I'll be a full-time or part-time grad student next year. All summer, I kept thinking how much easier this would all be if I were teaching instead of counseling. I'm not so sure I was right. During the summer, yes. If I weren't working during the summer, then it would be easier to complete two classes per summer semester. Listening to my teacher classmates Monday and Tuesday night, I decided that they probably don't have much of an advantage over me, if any. And many of them are parents. I think they definitely have a harder time than I do getting everything done. The thought "If I would've just gone into education in the first place, I wouldn't be in this situation now" creeps into my head. One thing I've learned in the 23 years since I graduated high school is that I wasn't ready then. Now I'm ready. That wasn't my time; this is. God knew exactly what I was going to do before I was ever even born. Right now, I am exactly where He wants me to be. Or, at least, I'm working on it.