I admit it . . .

I am officially disappointed. No job yet. Things seemed to be going so well at the end of June, but dried up in July. As of this morning, there is only one job available for which I have applied. And I considered it a long-shot when I applied for it. I know God is in control. If He wanted me to have one of those jobs, I'm positive I would have already signed a contract with one of those districts. Maybe there's a position that hasn't been posted yet. Maybe I'll get this long-shot position. Only God knows. And I have to trust Him. His plan is perfect. I, on the other hand, am far from perfect. I am impatient, self-centered, and often think I know best. I am definitely glad that God sees the whole picture and works everything for the good of His children.

While reading about Joseph in the book of Genesis the other night, I was reminded that, even when we think it's the end of the world, God has a reason for our suffering. "You planned evil against me; God planned it for good to bring about the present result--the survival of many people." Genesis 50:20 HCSB Not that I am comparing not getting a teaching position yet with Joseph being sold into slavery by his brothers. It made me remember that, even in the small things, God has a plan. Maybe the job He has planned for me hasn't opened or hasn't been posted yet. Maybe I have a client He wants me to finish working with. I have no idea. I know there is no evil plan that is keeping me from getting what I want. It just isn't my time yet. I have to accept it, but I don't have to be happy about it at this moment. It's okay to be disappointed once in a while. As long as I don't let it sidetrack me from doing God's will.

Ummm . . .

Work was a chore this week. We were closed for the holiday on Monday, but Tuesday through Thursday seemed like Monday. There were even moments when I had to remind myself that today was Friday. Exhaustion set in. I've barely even thought about my homework. Tomorrow I'll have to buckle down, clarify my assignments in my mind, and get it done. I also need to find out what Dr. H really expects of our chapter presentations. My assignment partner and I haven't discussed it yet and I'm still uncertain how we're supposed to present the chapter. And it's due February 1.

Here's a little secret about me. I actually like being a student. I know it doesn't make sense to a lot of people, but I've always loved being in school. (Maybe that's one reason I've secretly wanted to be a teacher for so many years.)

My source of peace in all this is God. I know He has the solution to my exhaustion. He sees the whole big picture. In Him is where my true joy and happiness are found. Without Him, I would have and be nothing. Everything I am and everything I have are blessings from God. I had such a tough day Wednesday that I needed a creative outlet when I got home that night. Here's what I made:

I saw a Facebook post with this verse on it when I was home for lunch Wednesday afternoon. I've read it thousands of times in my life, but it really spoke to me Wednesday. God's plans for me are the reason I'm doing all this; why I have the job I have and why I'm in grad school. I'm planning to print this off, frame it, and hang it in my office. Some days, I really need to be reminded that everything I am experiencing fits into God's plan for my life. Thanks to Maggie for creating the great kit I used, Faith365: Choose Joy. You can find it in her store at My Memories or at MagsGraphics.

She gone.

Well, not exactly. But I'm done with my tech class for this week. And I finally got messages from the last three people in the group and got them added to the blog. All's well that ends well. (Isn't that Shakespeare? I can't remember.)

Now, if I could just get into reading these blasted four chapters for my research class. We have a test over them tomorrow night and I'm still reading the first chapter. I just can't seem to concentrate on them. That's kinda been my problem this week. I can't seem to concentrate on reading the stuff I'm supposed to read. Almost anything else has had a better chance this week. Does this mean I'm hitting the wall already? I have way too much to do to hit the wall anytime soon.

Father, please help me to concentrate. You have led me this far. I know You won't let me fail.

The bookmark I chose for my research class textbook is rather fitting:
"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
God has led me to this point. I am here for a reason. His reason. He has great things in store for me. I just have to trust and follow Him. By "great things" I do not mean monetary wealth. I simply mean that I know God plans to work through me. It is only by His grace and love that I am who I am. He has allowed me to make every mistake I have made for a reason. It is completely within God's power to take me out of the situations I have created and place me exactly where He wants me to be. But that isn't how He chooses to work in my life. He allows me to make mistakes and learn from them. Or not learn from them and repeat them. Instead of creating robots that worship Him at will, God created humans with the ability to make our own decisions and love and worship Him when we are ready. Often, when we have reached the end of our ropes and learned that our way isn't working. Thank you, God, for allowing me to be me and being there to pick up my broken pieces and put them back together to serve Your purposes.