Wow!

Here I am, on the eve of my first day of student teaching. With work, school, and illness, I was a little overwhelmed last semester. God, of course, saw me through and I ended up with A's in both classes. As it worked out, the only course I have this semester is my Clinical Practicum. That's a really good thing. With being at the school from 7:45 am to 3:45 pm Monday through Friday, my full-time work schedule had to change. I found out last Tuesday (yes, December 30) that my proposed work schedule wasn't approved. For reasons of which I am still unclear, I can't work on Saturdays. Less than one week before my new schedule starts, I found out that, instead of going from 40 hours a week to 33 hours a week, I'll only be able to work 25 hours a week. With my job being our only income, we've barely been making it as is.

I have to admit, I'm really unsure what will happen. I've been praying about this semester for quite a while. Actually, since I realized that I wouldn't get an internship. I keep reminding myself of several things. It's only four months. I should be finished with my student teaching by the beginning of May. I still have my student loan coming. I've been praying about it, and Paul and I are planning to switch cell phone carriers to get a cheaper plan. When my loan comes in, we'll pay off/catch up on a few bills. God is in control. He hasn't brought me this far to let me fail now. If this weren't in His plan, God would have stopped me before now. I've prayed the entire way and followed the doors He has opened.

The fact that everything has not gone my way doesn't mean that I'm doing the wrong thing. I think it means that God wants me to wait for Him and trust in Him. If it were easy, I could do it myself. I wouldn't need God. I believe this is another instance where God is proving to me that I do need Him, every minute of every day. Philippians 4:13 has been very important to me throughout this journey. My mom posted Ezra 7:10 on my Facebook timeline today. Not familiar with that verse? I wasn't, either. Here's the post from my mom:

We had this in Sunday School this morning and I thought of you.
Ezra 7:10
For Ezra had set his heart to study the law of the Lord and to practice it, and to teach His statutes and ordinances in Israel.

God helped Ezra and He can help you. We studied the first 10 verses of chapter 7 this morning, but you could read the whole book. It's pretty short.

With the realization that I will only be a part-time employee came the realization that I will no longer have insurance. I don't know if I've mentioned it in a previous post, but I have medical conditions for which I take medications. They're pretty much affordable with insurance. Without insurance, I don't know. I can't even really afford the $35 and $50 copays to see my doctors right now. But God will provide. I guess I'll be seeking medical care at the free clinic with the others in my area who have no insurance, can't afford insurance, and can't afford to see a regular doctor. But I know God is in control. I'm sure some things in my life needed to change. I guess this is a good way for me to change them.

Please don't read this and think that I'm just sitting here waiting for God to do something and make everything okay. I know that isn't how He works. As I recently read somewhere, God isn't some magician that just makes what we need appear. He works in many ways. I'm praying about finding a weekend job. I don't really want to work on weekends, but if I need to for a few months, I will. I'm still praying about my husband finding a job. He's been looking for so long, we're both becoming frustrated with it.

This will be a super busy semester. I'll give updates as I can. And if you're reading this, please keep both my husband and me in your prayers.

Bummer

Well, I had my interview Monday morning. As I parked, I saw a man walk out, but didn't really pay much attention to him. I realized through my peripheral vision that he got into the SUV that I had parked beside. I grabbed my stuff and started to walk toward the door when I heard my name. I turned to realize that the man in the SUV was a friend of my sister's. He has been a certified teacher for a few years. He had just interviewed for the same position for which I was going to interview. We wished each other luck and I headed for the building.

The interview was pretty informal. No real questions; the superintendent just asked me to tell them about myself. I think it went pretty well. The only possible problem the superintendent seemed to have was that I'm in an alternative certification program and don't yet have a certification. And inservice starts Thursday. With the interview over, all that was left was to wait for a call yesterday or today. As you may have already guessed, a call never came. I haven't checked with J yet to see if he got it, but I know I'm not the newest addition to Leary ISD.

I realized yesterday that I am not going to have an internship this year. I really started to get concerned about my student teaching in the spring semester. You don't get paid for student teaching. You do, however, get paid to work as an aide. According to the alternative cert program, you can work as an aide in your certification area/grade level and qualify to student teach. In essence, if I get a job as an aide in a 4th-8th grade classroom, I could do my student teaching in the spring and still get a paycheck. So I decided yesterday to start looking for aide positions in 4th-8th grade. I guess I should've been applying for those all along, too. I only found a few positions still posted. I found out yesterday that one was basically already closed; they won't be removing the posting until the person is officially hired at the school board meeting Thursday night. With very little in Texas, I decided to check Arkansas. I only found one posting for a district about half an hour from home. I emailed about it this morning, only to be informed this afternoon that it had already been filled. There are still two middle school aide positions posted. I may apply for them tonight; I may wait until Friday to see if the postings are removed after the board meeting tomorrow night.

Now I'm disappointed, frustrated, and bummed out. I know that God is in control of the entire situation. There is a reason why there are 18 people enrolled in the internship class and I am not one of them. There is a reason I am still at my current job. When I realized that so many other students obviously found teaching positions, I started to question myself. What's wrong with me? Why did so many other people get a job and I didn't? Ultimately, I know that it isn't that I'm defective. God apparently still has something for me to do where I am. He isn't ready for me to move on to a school yet. But I'm not giving up. He may still have an aide position for me later in the school year. Even if He doesn't and I have to quit my job to do my student teaching, I have to trust God. His plan is perfect. I am definitely not.

The Heat Is On . . .

To find a job. I interviewed at one school district a little over a month ago. It sounded so promising and it seemed like God had worked it out that I could make the interview without having to ask off work to do it. Then I waited. And waited. I've called the Deputy Superintendent that interviewed me a couple times and emailed him once. I emailed the Superintendent a week or so ago to make sure he knows I am seriously interested in working in that district. As of today, that district has only four positions still available. I'm only interested in one of those positions and it is one for which I've applied.

The district where I attended school from Kindergarten through 12th grade also has one position posted in which I am interested. My stepsister, who has already been hired by the same district this summer, suggested I write cover letters to the Principal and Superintendent, explaining who I am and the fact that I would love to teach in the district where I was educated. She also suggested I call them. I emailed my letters this afternoon. I looked at my schedule at work tomorrow; it looks like I have an opening where I will have time to try to call them. To be honest, even though I would prefer a social studies class to English (my second choice), I would love to work in my "home" district. For one thing, the pay is better. For another, my nephews are in school there. Part of me would like to move back there. And if I teach there, even better!

School starts on August 25. If I were hired by the first district I mentioned, it looks like my first day would be August 15. If I were hired by my "home" district, I think I would start August 14. Since Friday is August 1, I really feel like I need to know something by then so I can give a two week notice to my current job. However, I told my supervisor I'll let her know as soon as I know something. I don't know for sure that she understands that may be less than two weeks before I would start.

The past couple weeks have truly been in God's hands. I'm not sure I would've made it through intact without Him. Each day has been a struggle to maintain some level of sanity and do what I know He wants me to do that day. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not totally in line. I'm getting closer, but I'm not there yet. There are a couple relatively simple things I haven't gotten back on track; well, one is much easier than the other. I am a child of God, the one who holds everything in His hands. He's got this. He picks up my broken pieces, even when I am the reason I'm broken.

At least all that's over.

So much has happened since my last post, but I don't really have time to catch you up at the moment. I finished the semester with a B in both classes. I was happy about that, believe it or not. I'm still working on watching the observation videos to officially be admitted to the ACP program. The month of May has really flown past. I planned to finish the videos and answer the questions before I took the TExES 4-8 Generalist. That didn't happen. I also didn't get to study for the blasted exam like I had planned. I took it yesterday. I studied and prayed all week. I prayed before the test and during the test. I actually feel pretty good about it; I know God didn't bring me this far, only to fail now. My mom always taught me to study like my grade depended on me and pray like it depended on God. If I don't get the required 240 on this test, it would be the first big standardized test on which I didn't score well enough the first time. I should have my results by 5 pm Friday. That means I'll be checking my account all week to see when my score is posted.

Last week, I took a course and am now a certified Youth Mental Health First Aid Instructor. (Paid for by my employer, thankfully!) After I updated my resume last night, I uploaded it to my profiles and decided to check out the latest job postings. I'm glad I did! I applied for a few new jobs. I already know I didn't get one job; thankfully, it was one I didn't really want.

Summer classes start Monday. I'm not positive that I'm ready, but at least the semester will be complete by the 4th of July.

I'm taking a little fun time tonight to watch a movie or two with Paul.

Ummm . . .

Work was a chore this week. We were closed for the holiday on Monday, but Tuesday through Thursday seemed like Monday. There were even moments when I had to remind myself that today was Friday. Exhaustion set in. I've barely even thought about my homework. Tomorrow I'll have to buckle down, clarify my assignments in my mind, and get it done. I also need to find out what Dr. H really expects of our chapter presentations. My assignment partner and I haven't discussed it yet and I'm still uncertain how we're supposed to present the chapter. And it's due February 1.

Here's a little secret about me. I actually like being a student. I know it doesn't make sense to a lot of people, but I've always loved being in school. (Maybe that's one reason I've secretly wanted to be a teacher for so many years.)

My source of peace in all this is God. I know He has the solution to my exhaustion. He sees the whole big picture. In Him is where my true joy and happiness are found. Without Him, I would have and be nothing. Everything I am and everything I have are blessings from God. I had such a tough day Wednesday that I needed a creative outlet when I got home that night. Here's what I made:

I saw a Facebook post with this verse on it when I was home for lunch Wednesday afternoon. I've read it thousands of times in my life, but it really spoke to me Wednesday. God's plans for me are the reason I'm doing all this; why I have the job I have and why I'm in grad school. I'm planning to print this off, frame it, and hang it in my office. Some days, I really need to be reminded that everything I am experiencing fits into God's plan for my life. Thanks to Maggie for creating the great kit I used, Faith365: Choose Joy. You can find it in her store at My Memories or at MagsGraphics.

Christmas has passed.

That's a sure sign the year is almost over. It also means it was time for Noelle to head back to the North Pole. I guess even a spy elf's got a job to do at the Pole. I guess she stuck around as long as she could. Here are the last of her adventures for this year.

We had a great Christmas Eve and Christmas day, spending both of them with family.

I've been thinking a lot lately about everything I haven't been doing as a Christian. We've lived here almost three years and haven't found a new church yet. Honestly, we haven't really looked yet. I've slept in on Sundays, forgotten to set the alarm, or just flat out didn't plan to go because of homework or going to bed too late on Saturdays. I pray, but we haven't been reading the Bible daily. Would I have the strength to stand up to Satan if he were attacking me heavily? I hope so, but I haven't done much lately to ensure it. I've added this to my prayers. I ask God to strengthen me and draw me closer to him. I pray for those that are in heavy spiritual warfare, but hope it never really happens to me.

I don't do resolutions for the new year; I set goals. I don't always accomplish them, but goals are more meaningful to me than resolutions. One of my goals for 2014 is to be a Christian God can be proud of. I want to make sure I'm in His will, not in His way. I know that things will not be perfect, but certain aspects of my life will run more smoothly if I do what I know He wants. He's pretty clear about some things in the Bible, but I don't make sure to do all those things. How can He give me more if I don't utilize what He's already given me?

As the deadline looms . . .

I have so much to do and so little time in which to do it. Today is Thursday. The last weekly assignments for my tech class are due by 11:30 Sunday evening and the final project is due Monday evening. I think I'll have a busy weekend. I'm debating whether I should go to the university - or Starbucks - Saturday and Sunday. I really wish I could take tomorrow off from work, but, alas, I didn't plan ahead. I'm considering checking the calendars for my other two classes and requesting some time off toward the end of the semester. I haven't really had a chance to start the research on any of my research projects. I've gathered some info, but I haven't had a chance to really read any of it yet. That's where God comes in. My mom always told me "Study like it depends on you and pray like it depends on God."

As I have said more than once on this blog, God is in control. If it weren't for His guidance, I wouldn't be in grad school right now. Once I felt like this was what He wanted me to do, I asked Him over and over again to make it happen if I was on the right path and stop me if I was wrong. Without God's help, I would have never made it through Summer II with a B average. (I really should've had an A in one class, but I have to let that go. Let's just say 25 points can make a difference in a letter grade.) God has led me this far, I know He has a plan for me and will put me where He wants me in his timing. I saw a picture on Facebook tonight that inspired this post:

This is so true. I have been in more places and situations that I didn't understand than I can even remember. Every time, He has put me where I needed to be. I think I'm in one of those places now. All I can do is trust God and follow His lead.

She gone.

Well, not exactly. But I'm done with my tech class for this week. And I finally got messages from the last three people in the group and got them added to the blog. All's well that ends well. (Isn't that Shakespeare? I can't remember.)

Now, if I could just get into reading these blasted four chapters for my research class. We have a test over them tomorrow night and I'm still reading the first chapter. I just can't seem to concentrate on them. That's kinda been my problem this week. I can't seem to concentrate on reading the stuff I'm supposed to read. Almost anything else has had a better chance this week. Does this mean I'm hitting the wall already? I have way too much to do to hit the wall anytime soon.

Father, please help me to concentrate. You have led me this far. I know You won't let me fail.

The bookmark I chose for my research class textbook is rather fitting:
"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
God has led me to this point. I am here for a reason. His reason. He has great things in store for me. I just have to trust and follow Him. By "great things" I do not mean monetary wealth. I simply mean that I know God plans to work through me. It is only by His grace and love that I am who I am. He has allowed me to make every mistake I have made for a reason. It is completely within God's power to take me out of the situations I have created and place me exactly where He wants me to be. But that isn't how He chooses to work in my life. He allows me to make mistakes and learn from them. Or not learn from them and repeat them. Instead of creating robots that worship Him at will, God created humans with the ability to make our own decisions and love and worship Him when we are ready. Often, when we have reached the end of our ropes and learned that our way isn't working. Thank you, God, for allowing me to be me and being there to pick up my broken pieces and put them back together to serve Your purposes.

Group Projects and Turkey Hats

Today was not my typical Saturday. Dr. L assigned us to groups of two or three to do presentations when we meet again next Monday. This morning was pretty much the only time the three of us could all meet face to face. Now, if you know me at all, you know I am not a morning person. Most Saturdays, I don't even get out of my pajamas, much less leave my house by 9:30 am. But, there I was this morning, leaving home at 9:30, heading to Starbucks for some caffeine before I went to TAMU-T for our meeting. One of the other girls needed to change the time to 10:45 instead of 10. Fine with me; the drive to the university takes me 30 minutes, so I was gonna be late. Then I realized that I had to buy gas before I headed out there. Fortunately, I was the first one there, so I had time to set up my laptop. Since I was there anyway, I decided yesterday that I would go ahead and work on some other homework. I got my paper for Mr./Dr. G's class written and submitted before I decided to leave so Paul and I could get some lunch.

After lunch, we did a little shopping. I was happy with the few movies we bought at Best Buy and the book (Si-cology by Si Robertson) and silicone bracelets I picked up at Lifeway. My favorite purchase of the day came from Target. A few weeks ago, I bought Paul a turkey hat to wear for Thanksgiving.

I found another one and I had to have it!

I am set for all my Thanksgiving festivities this year!

Another amazing thing has happened this month. I have apparently lost more weight. My size 18 pants are practically falling off of me. Now the size 16 pants I bought last month are looser than they should be. I bought a pair of blue jeans the other day and decided to try another size. I was a little shocked when these actually fit!

I thought maybe it was just because they're a little stretchy. Today I bought a new pair of pants for work: size 14! I even tried on a pair of skinny jeans that were size 14. (I didn't realize they were skinny jeans when I picked them up, but I decided to try 'em on anyway.) They fastened perfectly, but I didn't like the way the legs fit. The annoying thing about it is that I still wear at least a 2X in shirts. (I have an apple body type, so my top is bigger than my bottom.) I have some tops that I really like and some of them are getting too big. I guess that's the downfall of losing weight. 

God is continuing to bless me in ways I don't even realize. And probably don't really appreciate. Tomorrow we're planning to visit a church. I'm planning to pay my tithe there, something I haven't done in far too long. I know from experience that my life and my finances are better when I tithe faithfully. When I don't, I know it is at least partially due to a lack of faith. There's a part of me that says "I won't have enough for everything I need if I pay it." But God has proven me wrong many, many times. Since I'm leaving the big fish, it's time to practice my faith.

I love finding cool pictures on Facebook.

I just saw these two pictures on Facebook and wanted to share them.

I'm not sure why, exactly, but I really love all those "Keep Calm" pictures. And the other picture is what this blog is all about. I know God has a great plan for my life. I just have to follow Him.

I just don't wanna . . .

I am tired. I am sleepy. It's 11:30 pm. I haven't even started reading the chapter for Human Growth and Development tomorrow night. And right now, I just don't wanna read it.

Every semester, since my second ever semester in college, I inevitably have at least one chapter that I just don't have time to read. I think this may be one of those times. I don't even know how long the chapter is; I haven't really had time to look at it until now.

On the positive side, I have a head start on my technology class. I already have an account on del.icio.us account and a flickr account. I just need to add some stuff to them for this week. Those aren't the only assignments, of course, but I figure already having the accounts and knowing a little about using the sites puts me ahead of where I'd be otherwise.

And be on the lookout! I found the perfect digital scrapbook kit to make a photo for my blog header. The kit is called Whale of a Tale by Scraps N Pieces. I'm hoping to "do it up", as my scrap friend Menda says, tomorrow and get it posted.

I am so glad that God is more faithful than I am. It was nice to actually get up and go to church Sunday. I'm planning to go visit a different church this Sunday. A coworker says it's great. It sounds like the type of church I would love to be a part of. I just need to keep my butt in gear and get going. I know everything else in my life is so much more enjoyable when I'm doing everything I know God wants me to do. I'm on the right path. I'm leaving the belly of the big fish, but I'm not quite strolling on the beach yet. But at least I can see the shore now!

Let there be books!

My textbooks came in today! It was kind of a funny story. On our way home for my lunch break, Paul and I had to stop at a red light to turn off the highway into our neighborhood. There was a UPS truck sitting across from us, waiting to turn the same direction. Paul says "I think you're about to get your books." I thought it was more likely that he would be going further down the street we turn off of, then coming back. Once we made the first turn off the highway, we made our second turn. I looked in the rearview mirror and saw the UPS truck turn, too. Then we turned onto our street. Again, I looked in the rearview mirror and saw the truck turn, too. We got out of the car and met the driver in the front yard. I was so happy I finally got my books, I had to take a picture. If you look closely, you'll see Bevo, the only one of our kitties that I named, checking out my human growth and development book.

I was somewhat relieved in class last night to hear that I wasn't the only one who didn't have my books yet. Now to read Chapter 2 for my human growth and development class and read the first five chapters for my research class. That has been worrying me a little. I looked; I'll be reading about 87 pages.

I really think this experience was another lesson from God. He was, again, telling me to wait when I prayed about it. It's just another reminder that He has this all worked out. I just have to trust and follow Him.

Leaving the big fish? What the heck?

Are you familiar with the biblical story of Jonah? If you aren't here's a brief summary. God tells Jonah what He wants him to do. Jonah says "No way! I know you're God and all, but I'm doing what I wanna do." He ends up in a big storm, knows it's his own fault, and, long story short, gets swallowed by a big fish. I think most of us have these times; times when we know what God wants us to do, but we refuse. I've been doing that most of my life.

Before I even made it to high school, I knew God wanted me to be a teacher. I don't remember if I ever told my parents that I was going to be a teacher, but I knew. Then I entered my rebellious phase. And my mom became a teacher. She graduated college just days before I graduated high school. Everyone expected me to be a teacher. I decided I wanted to be a lawyer. That idea only lasted a few years. Again, long story short, I am currently a Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor in the state of Texas. 

I have made many mistakes in my life and tried to run my life my own way. God knows best. I am finally willing to follow His calling. In June, I enrolled in graduate school. I am working to become a certified middle school teacher through the Alternative Certification Program at Texas A&M University - Texarkana. When I'm done, I'll also have a Master's of Science in Curriculum and Instruction. So far, it isn't going the way I wanted. I wasn't able to secure a teaching position for the 2013-2014 school year, which means I'll have to do Student Teaching in the spring semester. I'm disappointed and a little worried. But, I know God is in charge. 

This blog is my way to share about my struggle to leave the big fish and follow God, depending on Him and trying to remember to pray instead of worry.