Bummer

Well, I had my interview Monday morning. As I parked, I saw a man walk out, but didn't really pay much attention to him. I realized through my peripheral vision that he got into the SUV that I had parked beside. I grabbed my stuff and started to walk toward the door when I heard my name. I turned to realize that the man in the SUV was a friend of my sister's. He has been a certified teacher for a few years. He had just interviewed for the same position for which I was going to interview. We wished each other luck and I headed for the building.

The interview was pretty informal. No real questions; the superintendent just asked me to tell them about myself. I think it went pretty well. The only possible problem the superintendent seemed to have was that I'm in an alternative certification program and don't yet have a certification. And inservice starts Thursday. With the interview over, all that was left was to wait for a call yesterday or today. As you may have already guessed, a call never came. I haven't checked with J yet to see if he got it, but I know I'm not the newest addition to Leary ISD.

I realized yesterday that I am not going to have an internship this year. I really started to get concerned about my student teaching in the spring semester. You don't get paid for student teaching. You do, however, get paid to work as an aide. According to the alternative cert program, you can work as an aide in your certification area/grade level and qualify to student teach. In essence, if I get a job as an aide in a 4th-8th grade classroom, I could do my student teaching in the spring and still get a paycheck. So I decided yesterday to start looking for aide positions in 4th-8th grade. I guess I should've been applying for those all along, too. I only found a few positions still posted. I found out yesterday that one was basically already closed; they won't be removing the posting until the person is officially hired at the school board meeting Thursday night. With very little in Texas, I decided to check Arkansas. I only found one posting for a district about half an hour from home. I emailed about it this morning, only to be informed this afternoon that it had already been filled. There are still two middle school aide positions posted. I may apply for them tonight; I may wait until Friday to see if the postings are removed after the board meeting tomorrow night.

Now I'm disappointed, frustrated, and bummed out. I know that God is in control of the entire situation. There is a reason why there are 18 people enrolled in the internship class and I am not one of them. There is a reason I am still at my current job. When I realized that so many other students obviously found teaching positions, I started to question myself. What's wrong with me? Why did so many other people get a job and I didn't? Ultimately, I know that it isn't that I'm defective. God apparently still has something for me to do where I am. He isn't ready for me to move on to a school yet. But I'm not giving up. He may still have an aide position for me later in the school year. Even if He doesn't and I have to quit my job to do my student teaching, I have to trust God. His plan is perfect. I am definitely not.

Electronic databases are not my friends today.

Before we came home today, Paul and I went to Best Buy for a new black ink cartridge. I think this is the only time we've ever gone in, gotten what we wanted, paid for it, and left. We usually look around the store for a while. (I guess we were both ready to go home and eat.) Anyway, I finished printing the articles for my HG&D research paper (I'm hoping I have enough resources now) and started searching for articles for my research proposal in my research class.

Even using "transition", the search term Dr. L suggested, I am still not really finding anything. Instead of printing out all these articles that are closely related but not really what I'm looking for, I realized I could print just the citation and abstract. My next step is to email the research librarian and see if she can help me out. I'm really starting to wonder if nobody has done any research on whether transitioning from small elementary schools to large junior high/middle schools has an effect on student behavior. Maybe I'm totally off-base with my question. Maybe there are just too many variables, with the change in school and puberty, with all the hormones, craziness, and confusion it seems to bring. Maybe I should just change to a topic that is simpler to research. But I'm really interested in this topic right now. I'll talk to the reference librarian before I make a decision.

I do not have to be in control.

But I really wish I were in control right now. There are five people in my group in the web class. One of our assignments this week involves developing a group blog on which each group member is to write at least five blog posts. I didn't want to possibly have to wait until the weekend to do my stuff, so I went ahead and created the blog Tuesday. Then I was just waiting for everyone else to post their email addresses so I could add them as administrators. As I type, it's a little after 9 pm on Saturday. All our assignments are due to 11:30 pm Sunday. Only one of my group mates has sent me her email address and posted on our blog. I keep checking the discussion board, the group discussion board, and the messages to see if anyone has posted their email address for me to add them. It's getting pretty frustrating. That's why I wish I could be in control. I wish I could just somehow make them do their part so I can do my part, which will allow them to do the rest of their part. Sounds like my codependency is showing. If they wait until late tomorrow, that's their fault. Mr./Dr. G can look at the postings on the discussion boards to see when they finally posted their email addresses. I don't know what everyone else's schedules are like. Maybe they haven't even looked at the assignments for this week yet. That's their bad planning, not mine. I just keep reminding myself of the saying:  Failure to plan on your part does not create an emergency on my part. I'll check Blackboard again before I go to bed. Probably more than once. And I'm sure I'll check it multiple times tomorrow. It is not a bad reflection on me if others in my group fail to do their part. Not my emergency.

Me? Impatient?!

Maybe just a little bit (note sarcasm here). I cannot tell you how many times a day I think about calling Financial Aid to see if they've starting reviewing my financial aid application yet. But I don't. Really, I don't want to be one of those students. You know the ones I mean. The people (students) that think they are the only ones that are important. Somehow, out of all the students whose financial aid applications have not yet been reviewed and approved, those students think their applications should be bumped to the top of the list and be reviewed first. Their financial aid is more important than that of any other student. Honestly, I know I'm not that special and that my application is no more important than the application on top of the stack. On the other hand, I am selfish and impatient. These are two of the character defects I recognize in myself most often. I am no more important than anyone else and deserve no special treatment. And I really think I don't want special treatment. I just think the system should be revamped.

I can't remember exactly how much of the situation I have already explained here, so, here it goes. After I had already registered for both Summer I and Summer II semesters, I received a notification that my pace percentage was too low. The summer semesters were "warning" semesters and I would be ineligible for financial aid in the Fall semester if my pace was not 67% or above by the end of summer. Had I known this was the case before I registered for summer, I would have only taken classes in Summer I. Since that semester ended in July, there would have been ample time for my financial aid application for 2013-2014 to be reviewed and my award offered and accepted prior to the beginning of the fall semester. Why did I register for both summer semesters at the same time? Because financial aid is awarded for both summer semesters at the same time, which makes sense.

Here's how I think it should work. When a student has a warning semester for inadequate pace percentage, the Financial Aid office should go ahead and review the application, then put it on hold until the warning semester is completed. If the student's pace percentage is now at an acceptable level, offer him or her the approved amount. The student can then accept whatever portion of the award he or she so chooses and be on track for the beginning of the semester. But that's just my opinion. I understand that some students still won't meet pace, which makes reviewing those applications a complete waste of time. With the economy as it is, not all students (obviously!) have the financial resources to purchase the required textbooks and supplies on their own. I am fortunate that God has blessed me as He has. I will be able to purchase my books Friday - in two days - but will not have much extra money for things like gas for the car, food, etc. I'm not complaining, but I'm sure there are students in similar situations that won't be able to get their books until their financial aid is approved and, maybe, disbursed.

I know God is in charge of my financial aid. In the grand scheme of things, this is a minor problem, even though it seems so important to me right now. He's also in charge of my textbooks. (You remember that discussion from the last couple days, right?) After Paul checked at Textbook Brokers for me, I learned today that they have neither of the books I need in stock. Since the university bookstore is so much more expensive, I will be ordering my books from amazon.com. No problem. I registered for the student account thingy, so I get free two day shipping for now. Then I realized, there is a bit of a problem. Payday is Friday, which is followed by Saturday and Sunday, which are not business days. Okay, maybe I can pay for extra shipping to get at least the book I need to read first on Monday. There's the problem. Monday is Labor Day, so it isn't a business day, either. The next business day will be Tuesday. I work from 8 am to 2:30 pm, then get something to eat and go to class. No time to read and actually comprehend a chapter before class at 4:00. I have decided that it's not a huge deal. Dr. R said we will discuss the chapter before taking the multiple choice quiz. I am not completely ignorant of human growth and development. I had to take it for my Bachelor's in Psychology. Unfortunately, I completed that degree in 1994. During the class, I should be able to absorb enough to at least answer some of the 25 questions right. And the quizzes aren't a huge part of our final grade. Not being prepared for one quiz won't kill me. No reason for me to really stress about it. Besides, God's got this!

I'm so . . .

Anxious. I think that's the word I'm looking for. My first fall semester class is at 6:00. Work was not the typical Monday with all kinds of craziness and chaos. It was too quiet. I had a grand total of two, count them, two clients show for their sessions. At lunch, I went home to eat and print the goodies for my web based class. My printer wouldn't print. I guess the poor thing's rebelling because it wants more ink. At least that's what I'm hoping the problem is. I guess I'll find out when I get home tonight with a nice, full ink cartridge.

In the midst of all my anxiety and night-before-first-day-of-the-new-semester freaking out, Paul calmly says "I'm proud of you." I look at him like he just told me he ate my chocolate. He says "For going back to school and working full-time." He knows how to calm me down when I'm a nervous wreck. One of the many reasons I love him so much.