I admit it . . .

I am officially disappointed. No job yet. Things seemed to be going so well at the end of June, but dried up in July. As of this morning, there is only one job available for which I have applied. And I considered it a long-shot when I applied for it. I know God is in control. If He wanted me to have one of those jobs, I'm positive I would have already signed a contract with one of those districts. Maybe there's a position that hasn't been posted yet. Maybe I'll get this long-shot position. Only God knows. And I have to trust Him. His plan is perfect. I, on the other hand, am far from perfect. I am impatient, self-centered, and often think I know best. I am definitely glad that God sees the whole picture and works everything for the good of His children.

While reading about Joseph in the book of Genesis the other night, I was reminded that, even when we think it's the end of the world, God has a reason for our suffering. "You planned evil against me; God planned it for good to bring about the present result--the survival of many people." Genesis 50:20 HCSB Not that I am comparing not getting a teaching position yet with Joseph being sold into slavery by his brothers. It made me remember that, even in the small things, God has a plan. Maybe the job He has planned for me hasn't opened or hasn't been posted yet. Maybe I have a client He wants me to finish working with. I have no idea. I know there is no evil plan that is keeping me from getting what I want. It just isn't my time yet. I have to accept it, but I don't have to be happy about it at this moment. It's okay to be disappointed once in a while. As long as I don't let it sidetrack me from doing God's will.

Summer!

I am totally enjoying not having homework, but I keep having the feeling that there's something I'm forgetting to do. I checked my grades earlier in the week. I made a B in the reading class and a C in the assessment class. I was a little disappointed in the C, but I'm okay with it. For the sheer number of assignments required and the amount of time I had between work, life, and homework, I'm satisfied.

Still no real news on the job front. I decided not to call the Deputy Superintendent this week. I don't wanna be a pest and talk myself out of a job. I check the sites at least twice a week. (Usually more like four or five times a week.) When I checked the Region 8 site today, I saw that two or three of the positions for which I was being considered were no longer listed. My heart skipped a beat. I kept looking down the list and saw four new postings. Two of them are SOCIAL STUDIES!!! I tried to call the Deputy Superintendent after I applied for them (actually all four positions), but I think the admin office may be closed on Fridays. Instead, I sent him an email to confirm that one of the Social Studies positions would be my preference. If I don't hear anything next week, I think I'll call at the end of the week. I'm praying for God's will, but I really want one of those Social Studies positions.

Since I now have time to read what I want, I decided to go to the library. I haven't been since I got my library card. What did I get? John Grisham's The Associate. It was the only Grisham legal thriller I don't already have. I'm thinking I'll check out Lord of the Rings or Catcher in the Rye next time.

I do not have to be in control.

But I really wish I were in control right now. There are five people in my group in the web class. One of our assignments this week involves developing a group blog on which each group member is to write at least five blog posts. I didn't want to possibly have to wait until the weekend to do my stuff, so I went ahead and created the blog Tuesday. Then I was just waiting for everyone else to post their email addresses so I could add them as administrators. As I type, it's a little after 9 pm on Saturday. All our assignments are due to 11:30 pm Sunday. Only one of my group mates has sent me her email address and posted on our blog. I keep checking the discussion board, the group discussion board, and the messages to see if anyone has posted their email address for me to add them. It's getting pretty frustrating. That's why I wish I could be in control. I wish I could just somehow make them do their part so I can do my part, which will allow them to do the rest of their part. Sounds like my codependency is showing. If they wait until late tomorrow, that's their fault. Mr./Dr. G can look at the postings on the discussion boards to see when they finally posted their email addresses. I don't know what everyone else's schedules are like. Maybe they haven't even looked at the assignments for this week yet. That's their bad planning, not mine. I just keep reminding myself of the saying:  Failure to plan on your part does not create an emergency on my part. I'll check Blackboard again before I go to bed. Probably more than once. And I'm sure I'll check it multiple times tomorrow. It is not a bad reflection on me if others in my group fail to do their part. Not my emergency.

I do not have to be in control . . .

I have this almost pathological need to be in control of my assignments. Individual assignments, paired assignments, group assignments, it doesn't really matter. I thought I had learned my lesson in Summer II. I wasn't able to participate at my usual level on a group book review for one of my classes. Not that I didn't want to, of course, but I simply didn't have time between working full-time and taking two pretty time intensive classes in one five week semester. In my web class this semester, it looks like we have a few group assignments, the first of which is to develop a group wiki. (If, like me, the only wikis you've ever heard of are Wikipedia and Wikileaks, you can check out these links the professor gave us:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wiki and http://www.techterms.com/definition/wiki )

I have to admit, this is driving me a little nuts. I want to hurry up and get my stuff for this class knocked out as soon as I can so I have the rest of the week for my other classes and my personal life. (Yes, I really do think I can still have a personal life. A little one, at least.) The rest of my group is apparently not where I am right now. I heard from a couple of them after I messaged them, so I know some are still doing the reading and watching the videos. After last semester, I know about trouble fitting everything in.

My instinct is to just take over. Follow the professor's instructions for setting up the wiki and just let everybody else do their part and, hopefully, have it all done a little early. But I know that most likely isn't what I need to do. I am a group member, not the leader of the group. It is OUR group, not MY group. (Did you notice I keep referring to it as my group?)

For now, I am just sitting back and letting it all unfurl the way it's supposed to. At least that's what I'm trying to do. I couldn't even tell you how many times I've gone to the Blackboard page for the class and checked the messages, the discussion board, and the group discussion board, where one of the group members posted a couple times. But for tonight, I've checked it for the last time. I hope!

Me? Impatient?!

Maybe just a little bit (note sarcasm here). I cannot tell you how many times a day I think about calling Financial Aid to see if they've starting reviewing my financial aid application yet. But I don't. Really, I don't want to be one of those students. You know the ones I mean. The people (students) that think they are the only ones that are important. Somehow, out of all the students whose financial aid applications have not yet been reviewed and approved, those students think their applications should be bumped to the top of the list and be reviewed first. Their financial aid is more important than that of any other student. Honestly, I know I'm not that special and that my application is no more important than the application on top of the stack. On the other hand, I am selfish and impatient. These are two of the character defects I recognize in myself most often. I am no more important than anyone else and deserve no special treatment. And I really think I don't want special treatment. I just think the system should be revamped.

I can't remember exactly how much of the situation I have already explained here, so, here it goes. After I had already registered for both Summer I and Summer II semesters, I received a notification that my pace percentage was too low. The summer semesters were "warning" semesters and I would be ineligible for financial aid in the Fall semester if my pace was not 67% or above by the end of summer. Had I known this was the case before I registered for summer, I would have only taken classes in Summer I. Since that semester ended in July, there would have been ample time for my financial aid application for 2013-2014 to be reviewed and my award offered and accepted prior to the beginning of the fall semester. Why did I register for both summer semesters at the same time? Because financial aid is awarded for both summer semesters at the same time, which makes sense.

Here's how I think it should work. When a student has a warning semester for inadequate pace percentage, the Financial Aid office should go ahead and review the application, then put it on hold until the warning semester is completed. If the student's pace percentage is now at an acceptable level, offer him or her the approved amount. The student can then accept whatever portion of the award he or she so chooses and be on track for the beginning of the semester. But that's just my opinion. I understand that some students still won't meet pace, which makes reviewing those applications a complete waste of time. With the economy as it is, not all students (obviously!) have the financial resources to purchase the required textbooks and supplies on their own. I am fortunate that God has blessed me as He has. I will be able to purchase my books Friday - in two days - but will not have much extra money for things like gas for the car, food, etc. I'm not complaining, but I'm sure there are students in similar situations that won't be able to get their books until their financial aid is approved and, maybe, disbursed.

I know God is in charge of my financial aid. In the grand scheme of things, this is a minor problem, even though it seems so important to me right now. He's also in charge of my textbooks. (You remember that discussion from the last couple days, right?) After Paul checked at Textbook Brokers for me, I learned today that they have neither of the books I need in stock. Since the university bookstore is so much more expensive, I will be ordering my books from amazon.com. No problem. I registered for the student account thingy, so I get free two day shipping for now. Then I realized, there is a bit of a problem. Payday is Friday, which is followed by Saturday and Sunday, which are not business days. Okay, maybe I can pay for extra shipping to get at least the book I need to read first on Monday. There's the problem. Monday is Labor Day, so it isn't a business day, either. The next business day will be Tuesday. I work from 8 am to 2:30 pm, then get something to eat and go to class. No time to read and actually comprehend a chapter before class at 4:00. I have decided that it's not a huge deal. Dr. R said we will discuss the chapter before taking the multiple choice quiz. I am not completely ignorant of human growth and development. I had to take it for my Bachelor's in Psychology. Unfortunately, I completed that degree in 1994. During the class, I should be able to absorb enough to at least answer some of the 25 questions right. And the quizzes aren't a huge part of our final grade. Not being prepared for one quiz won't kill me. No reason for me to really stress about it. Besides, God's got this!