Why do we run?

You've seen my picture. You've probably surmised I am not a runner. Not physically, anyway. As the title and description of my blog told you, though, I have spiritually run for years. And believe me, that's nothing to brag about.

A friend on Facebook is a youth minister. He asked his friends to complete the sentence "I stopped running from God when...." When I started typing my answer in the comments, Matthew 11:28-30 came to mind. Can't remember exactly what those verses say? Well, I couldn't remember the exact reference, but I know how to look it up. This is a quote from Jesus: "Come to Me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. All of you, take up My yoke and learn from Me, because I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for yourselves. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." (HCSB)

As I shared in my own Facebook status update, I have been a Christian since age 15 and stopped running when I was 42. I took some breaks during those 27 years, but, being completely honest, I ran, in some way, for the majority of them. I have read this passage from Matthew many, many times in various versions from King James to Contemporary English. Knowing that Jesus is offering me rest, why would I run? Why would any of us run?

I guess these verses never really spoke to me until now. Now I need to figure out why I ran for so long. I believe that figuring out the reason we did something is a big step in keeping ourselves from repeating the same mistakes. I guess I have some thinking to do.

If you haven't watched it, keep scrolling and watch the video of Tenth Avenue North's song "By Your Side".

Tenth Avenue North - By Your Side official music video

Praying for Guidance

Even though school started Monday in Texas, I've been checking the job postings every day. I have applications in for aide positions at three or four schools. (I'm pretty sure it's four, but it could only be three.) Today, I got an email from one of the districts, letting me know that I've been selected as a candidate for the position. I was pretty excited when I started reading the email. Then I got to the part where it listed the approximate pay. Almost $20,000 a year less than I currently make. I knew it would be a big cut in pay, but I wasn't expecting it to be THAT much. I had already realized I'll probably need a second job if I take an aide position. I told Paul and my mom that when I started applying for them. I have to admit, my heart sank when I read those numbers. I'm not sure I can work two full-time jobs and take classes. And I'm almost positive I won't make enough at a part-time job. But a huge pay cut is better than not getting paid at all for my student teaching semester. I can already feel myself starting to stress over this situation. That's where prayer comes in.

I know God already has the answer. He already knows exactly how this entire school year will work out for me. And I know He isn't about to unveil His entire plan to me in the next few days. I have until 3:00 Wednesday to respond to request an interview. As I told Paul, going to the interview doesn't mean I'll be offered a job right then. In fact, I'm reasonably certain that won't happen. And if they do offer me the position, I don't have to accept it. That's why I'm praying for God's guidance. Should I accept the interview? Each interview I have gives me that much more interview experience. Should I start looking for a second job, just in case they do offer me the job? Will the other districts even contact me for an interview? One, way closer to my house, just closed the posting two days ago. Have they even started weeding through the applicants? I have so many questions. So many thoughts are running through my mind. And most of them are probably moot. God's got this. Obviously, I don't. I need to keep praying. I need to keep asking for wisdom and guidance in making these decisions. I need to wait. And listen. And trust God.

If you're reading this, please pray for me.

Bummer

Well, I had my interview Monday morning. As I parked, I saw a man walk out, but didn't really pay much attention to him. I realized through my peripheral vision that he got into the SUV that I had parked beside. I grabbed my stuff and started to walk toward the door when I heard my name. I turned to realize that the man in the SUV was a friend of my sister's. He has been a certified teacher for a few years. He had just interviewed for the same position for which I was going to interview. We wished each other luck and I headed for the building.

The interview was pretty informal. No real questions; the superintendent just asked me to tell them about myself. I think it went pretty well. The only possible problem the superintendent seemed to have was that I'm in an alternative certification program and don't yet have a certification. And inservice starts Thursday. With the interview over, all that was left was to wait for a call yesterday or today. As you may have already guessed, a call never came. I haven't checked with J yet to see if he got it, but I know I'm not the newest addition to Leary ISD.

I realized yesterday that I am not going to have an internship this year. I really started to get concerned about my student teaching in the spring semester. You don't get paid for student teaching. You do, however, get paid to work as an aide. According to the alternative cert program, you can work as an aide in your certification area/grade level and qualify to student teach. In essence, if I get a job as an aide in a 4th-8th grade classroom, I could do my student teaching in the spring and still get a paycheck. So I decided yesterday to start looking for aide positions in 4th-8th grade. I guess I should've been applying for those all along, too. I only found a few positions still posted. I found out yesterday that one was basically already closed; they won't be removing the posting until the person is officially hired at the school board meeting Thursday night. With very little in Texas, I decided to check Arkansas. I only found one posting for a district about half an hour from home. I emailed about it this morning, only to be informed this afternoon that it had already been filled. There are still two middle school aide positions posted. I may apply for them tonight; I may wait until Friday to see if the postings are removed after the board meeting tomorrow night.

Now I'm disappointed, frustrated, and bummed out. I know that God is in control of the entire situation. There is a reason why there are 18 people enrolled in the internship class and I am not one of them. There is a reason I am still at my current job. When I realized that so many other students obviously found teaching positions, I started to question myself. What's wrong with me? Why did so many other people get a job and I didn't? Ultimately, I know that it isn't that I'm defective. God apparently still has something for me to do where I am. He isn't ready for me to move on to a school yet. But I'm not giving up. He may still have an aide position for me later in the school year. Even if He doesn't and I have to quit my job to do my student teaching, I have to trust God. His plan is perfect. I am definitely not.

Hopeful

While I was getting ready for work this morning, my phone rang. I didn't recognize the number, so I let it go to voice mail. While Paul was driving me to work, I checked my message. It was the principal of the smaller school district I mentioned in yesterday's post. She said she was scheduling interviews for Monday. I was a little early to work, so I had plenty of time before seeing my first client. I called her as soon as I got my coffee started. My interview is at 10:00 Monday morning. I'll see my client, then leave for my interview. I'm really pretty excited about it.

But I'm still praying. Scheduling an interview doesn't mean I'll get the job. Honestly, I hope I get it. It would only be about half an hour from my house. I think such a small district would give me a great start to my career in education. But that doesn't mean it's God's plan. I only really want the job that God wants me to have. If this is it, great! If not, He will help me overcome my disappointment and guide me to the right job at the right time.

Like most schools in the area, teachers start work for the school year Thursday, 8/14/14. Since my interview is Monday, I'm sure they will be making a decision shortly thereafter. It amazes me that I may interview for a job and start work the same week. The only times that has happened, I already had the job when I applied.

If you're reading this post before my interview, please say a prayer for me. I'll let ya know what happens next week.

It's almost time.

I am both excited and disappointed that it's almost time for school to start.

Today made it official for me. I got the email with my financial aid award notification. It will soon be time to get the book voucher to buy my books for this semester. Maybe it's because I'm a nerd, but I actually enjoy going to the bookstore to get my books for the new semester. I can't explain the reason, but it makes me happy.

The disappointing part of back to school time this year is that I don't have a teaching job yet. I do still have a few chances. I applied for three positions at a district about an hour away from my house. It's definitely not the farthest I've driven for work. I drove about an hour and a half for over a year. The great part of it would be that I would get a raise of over $5,000 a year. I could definitely do it. And one of the positions is history! I also found another position today (social studies/history) that's closer to home at a much smaller district. I'm sure I wouldn't be getting a raise at that district, but it would be much easier on our car.

I haven't given up hope. God is in control. He has a plan for me. I remind myself, multiple times daily, that I only want the job He wants me to have. I am careful to pray for His will in both my and Paul's job searches. We both know that asking for specific jobs may get us employed, but if it isn't the job that God wants, we'll be miserable. I've been there before. I am trying to pray carefully. And I'm trying not to be too disappointed when I don't get a job I want. When it comes down to it, all I really want is what God wants for me.

I admit it . . .

I am officially disappointed. No job yet. Things seemed to be going so well at the end of June, but dried up in July. As of this morning, there is only one job available for which I have applied. And I considered it a long-shot when I applied for it. I know God is in control. If He wanted me to have one of those jobs, I'm positive I would have already signed a contract with one of those districts. Maybe there's a position that hasn't been posted yet. Maybe I'll get this long-shot position. Only God knows. And I have to trust Him. His plan is perfect. I, on the other hand, am far from perfect. I am impatient, self-centered, and often think I know best. I am definitely glad that God sees the whole picture and works everything for the good of His children.

While reading about Joseph in the book of Genesis the other night, I was reminded that, even when we think it's the end of the world, God has a reason for our suffering. "You planned evil against me; God planned it for good to bring about the present result--the survival of many people." Genesis 50:20 HCSB Not that I am comparing not getting a teaching position yet with Joseph being sold into slavery by his brothers. It made me remember that, even in the small things, God has a plan. Maybe the job He has planned for me hasn't opened or hasn't been posted yet. Maybe I have a client He wants me to finish working with. I have no idea. I know there is no evil plan that is keeping me from getting what I want. It just isn't my time yet. I have to accept it, but I don't have to be happy about it at this moment. It's okay to be disappointed once in a while. As long as I don't let it sidetrack me from doing God's will.

The Heat Is On . . .

To find a job. I interviewed at one school district a little over a month ago. It sounded so promising and it seemed like God had worked it out that I could make the interview without having to ask off work to do it. Then I waited. And waited. I've called the Deputy Superintendent that interviewed me a couple times and emailed him once. I emailed the Superintendent a week or so ago to make sure he knows I am seriously interested in working in that district. As of today, that district has only four positions still available. I'm only interested in one of those positions and it is one for which I've applied.

The district where I attended school from Kindergarten through 12th grade also has one position posted in which I am interested. My stepsister, who has already been hired by the same district this summer, suggested I write cover letters to the Principal and Superintendent, explaining who I am and the fact that I would love to teach in the district where I was educated. She also suggested I call them. I emailed my letters this afternoon. I looked at my schedule at work tomorrow; it looks like I have an opening where I will have time to try to call them. To be honest, even though I would prefer a social studies class to English (my second choice), I would love to work in my "home" district. For one thing, the pay is better. For another, my nephews are in school there. Part of me would like to move back there. And if I teach there, even better!

School starts on August 25. If I were hired by the first district I mentioned, it looks like my first day would be August 15. If I were hired by my "home" district, I think I would start August 14. Since Friday is August 1, I really feel like I need to know something by then so I can give a two week notice to my current job. However, I told my supervisor I'll let her know as soon as I know something. I don't know for sure that she understands that may be less than two weeks before I would start.

The past couple weeks have truly been in God's hands. I'm not sure I would've made it through intact without Him. Each day has been a struggle to maintain some level of sanity and do what I know He wants me to do that day. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not totally in line. I'm getting closer, but I'm not there yet. There are a couple relatively simple things I haven't gotten back on track; well, one is much easier than the other. I am a child of God, the one who holds everything in His hands. He's got this. He picks up my broken pieces, even when I am the reason I'm broken.

Summer!

I am totally enjoying not having homework, but I keep having the feeling that there's something I'm forgetting to do. I checked my grades earlier in the week. I made a B in the reading class and a C in the assessment class. I was a little disappointed in the C, but I'm okay with it. For the sheer number of assignments required and the amount of time I had between work, life, and homework, I'm satisfied.

Still no real news on the job front. I decided not to call the Deputy Superintendent this week. I don't wanna be a pest and talk myself out of a job. I check the sites at least twice a week. (Usually more like four or five times a week.) When I checked the Region 8 site today, I saw that two or three of the positions for which I was being considered were no longer listed. My heart skipped a beat. I kept looking down the list and saw four new postings. Two of them are SOCIAL STUDIES!!! I tried to call the Deputy Superintendent after I applied for them (actually all four positions), but I think the admin office may be closed on Fridays. Instead, I sent him an email to confirm that one of the Social Studies positions would be my preference. If I don't hear anything next week, I think I'll call at the end of the week. I'm praying for God's will, but I really want one of those Social Studies positions.

Since I now have time to read what I want, I decided to go to the library. I haven't been since I got my library card. What did I get? John Grisham's The Associate. It was the only Grisham legal thriller I don't already have. I'm thinking I'll check out Lord of the Rings or Catcher in the Rye next time.

Ahhh . . .

Another summer semester has come and gone. And I survived. I knew I would, of course. I'm doing what God wants, so He will help me succeed. He's got this. Grades aren't posted yet, but I'm pretty sure I got Bs in both classes. I'm really good with that.

No word on the employment front yet, but I'm not stressing about it, believe it or not. When I talked to the Deputy Superintendent last week, he told me that he had to talk to the Superintendent, who had been out. With the 4th of July holiday Friday, it was a short week for a lot of us. Some school district administration offices were closed all week; I'm sure this one was closed Friday. If I don't hear from him, I'm thinking I will call some time Wednesday. I want to check in and make sure he knows I'm still interested, yet not be a pest. I'll definitely post when I know something for sure.

Speaking of the 4th of July holiday, the long weekend was really relaxing for Paul and me. We pretty much did nothing. We stayed in our pajamas all weekend, chilled out, watched Netflix, napped, and spent time on our favorite websites.

My eyes look weird, but this is the only pic I took of us.

We watched the movie "Lawless" on Netflix.

I really am relieved to have a few weeks with no classes, just work. I can read what I want, now. Hmmm . . . What first?

It's the Last Summer

Well, at least my last summer session of grad school. And it's over half finished. I'm ready! I had intended to take only one course at a time in the summer. Due to financial aid requirements, I had to take six hours. Of course, the only two classes I needed were offered the same semester. And I really wanna graduate next May. With most of the work finished, I just have to finish these last two weeks. It'll all be over, for better or worse, on July 3.

I have officially been accepted into the Graduate Program for Initial Teacher Certification! I got my letter in the mail Friday, along with my Statement of Eligibility and confirmation that I'm taking the last class (except the internship classes) for that part of my degree. The only problem is that they accidentally put the wrong subject on my SOE. I emailed last night and was emailed the correct ones today. And just in time . . .

I have my first real interview for a teaching position at 9 am tomorrow! I am meeting with the Superintendent of Atlanta ISD. I was so nervous when I spoke to him this morning, I couldn't remember all the positions I applied for with that district. I have them all printed out and I'm psyching myself up for the interview. Translation: I keep praying about it and reminding myself that my other interviews have gone well and that I'll get one of these jobs if that's what God has planned. I really don't need to worry; God's got this!

At least all that's over.

So much has happened since my last post, but I don't really have time to catch you up at the moment. I finished the semester with a B in both classes. I was happy about that, believe it or not. I'm still working on watching the observation videos to officially be admitted to the ACP program. The month of May has really flown past. I planned to finish the videos and answer the questions before I took the TExES 4-8 Generalist. That didn't happen. I also didn't get to study for the blasted exam like I had planned. I took it yesterday. I studied and prayed all week. I prayed before the test and during the test. I actually feel pretty good about it; I know God didn't bring me this far, only to fail now. My mom always taught me to study like my grade depended on me and pray like it depended on God. If I don't get the required 240 on this test, it would be the first big standardized test on which I didn't score well enough the first time. I should have my results by 5 pm Friday. That means I'll be checking my account all week to see when my score is posted.

Last week, I took a course and am now a certified Youth Mental Health First Aid Instructor. (Paid for by my employer, thankfully!) After I updated my resume last night, I uploaded it to my profiles and decided to check out the latest job postings. I'm glad I did! I applied for a few new jobs. I already know I didn't get one job; thankfully, it was one I didn't really want.

Summer classes start Monday. I'm not positive that I'm ready, but at least the semester will be complete by the 4th of July.

I'm taking a little fun time tonight to watch a movie or two with Paul.

Is it Summer yet?

Spring semester has come and almost gone. I'm pretty dang happy about that. I think this may have been the toughest semester of my entire college career. I was sick for almost an entire month, which got me behind on assignments. (I'm still trying to catch up on a couple of those.) To be honest, I haven't really felt good since. Maybe it's just the added stress of being behind on my assignments, plus work and being human. My nephew, Alex, started playing soccer, too. I'm also trying to get my resume and cover letter perfected so I can apply for teaching positions for this fall. I found out that I won't be eligible for financial aid if I only take one class in the summer, like I had planned. Since the only classes I need are offered in Summer I, I'll have another 6 credit hour Summer semester. (At least it doesn't start until June!) I'll be taking the TExES 4-8 Generalist exam on May 30, so I have most of the month to prepare. I also need to finish my last 9.5 hours of observation videos and answer the obervation questions to be accepted into the Graduate Program for Initial Teacher Certification. No stress, right?

Here're the good parts. My research anthology and PowerPoint presentation for one class are due no later than April 28. Then there isn't much left for the end of the semester. In the module posted yesterday for my other class, the due date for the research paper was pushed back to May 7. (I got a little breathing room this weekend!) The only other thing I know of there is the final exam. Totally doable, especially since everything for the first class is due by May 2. I feel pretty confident that I will come out of both classes with a B, so not really damaging to the GPA. Summer I is only a few weeks long. After July 3, we're done and I'll have the rest of the summer to concentrate on applying for jobs and, hopefully, setting up my new classroom. Once I pass the 4-8 Generalist exam, it should be easier to find a job. It broadens my certification, which means I won't be limited to Social Studies only. GOD'S GOT THIS.

Paul was in a wreck Saturday night. The short version is that he was blinded by the bright lights of an oncoming vehicle. When he could finally see again, he didn't have time to stop the car from hitting the pickup in front of him. He wasn't badly injured, just "strained, sprained, and bruised", as the ER doctor said. Our insurance should cover the other guy's medical bills and his truck, but we didn't have full coverage, so it will only pay part of Paul's ER visit and nothing on our car. Now we're being shuttled around by my mom and stepdad or my baby sister and brother-n-law while we're figuring out how to get another car. GOD'S GOT THIS.

Even though Paul was sore, Easter was pretty good. My sister and brother-in-law picked us up so we could go to lunch with everybody. Alex told us "I asked Jesus to move into my heart and he did." The best Easter news since Jesus rose!

The best part of everything is GOD'S GOT THIS. He protected Paul and the other guy involved in the wreck. He already knows what car we'll get and how we'll pay for it. All we have to do is thank Him for what He's done and what He will do and have faith that He will provide in His perfect timing.

Here are the pictures I took of the car at the tow yard yesterday and of Paul's injuries Sunday.

Being sick is making me sick.

Before this week, I was sick for pretty much two straight weeks. I started feeling better this week, but still lacked energy and work gets in the way of me doing much homework some days. Needless to say, I got behind. When I started to work on everything today, I realized that I had not only missed deadlines and was submitting some things late, but there were a few things I no longer had access to, including a test. I knew the test had to be taken by end of day on February 22, but I got my dates mixed up; I thought today was the 22nd. It's not the end of the world, but definitely not how I want to operate in my classes.

I hope to get everything caught up and get ahead this week. Hopefully before Friday. Even though I missed almost an entire week of work, I'm taking off some much-needed time, starting Friday. I have to work next Wednesday and Thursday, then I'm taking off Friday again. That weekend, we're going to D/FW with Nancy and Alex; little man wants to see a hockey game. It took me a few hours to find something, but there's actually a minor league hockey team in North Richland Hills, the Lone Star Brahmas. On Sunday, we're going to Grapevine for a bit of fun at Legoland Discovery Center. If Alex knew, he'd be just as excited as Paul and I are. Maybe I'll post a few pictures of the weekend.

But next weekend, I have my last face to face class session this semester.

No matter what, I just have to trust God. He made me well and, because of Him, we're able to take a little vacation. Without His guidance, I wouldn't even be a student right now. He is in control and will help me with the rest of my work this semester. All I have to do is let Him help. Give it to God and don't take it back. He's got this.

Ummm . . .

Work was a chore this week. We were closed for the holiday on Monday, but Tuesday through Thursday seemed like Monday. There were even moments when I had to remind myself that today was Friday. Exhaustion set in. I've barely even thought about my homework. Tomorrow I'll have to buckle down, clarify my assignments in my mind, and get it done. I also need to find out what Dr. H really expects of our chapter presentations. My assignment partner and I haven't discussed it yet and I'm still uncertain how we're supposed to present the chapter. And it's due February 1.

Here's a little secret about me. I actually like being a student. I know it doesn't make sense to a lot of people, but I've always loved being in school. (Maybe that's one reason I've secretly wanted to be a teacher for so many years.)

My source of peace in all this is God. I know He has the solution to my exhaustion. He sees the whole big picture. In Him is where my true joy and happiness are found. Without Him, I would have and be nothing. Everything I am and everything I have are blessings from God. I had such a tough day Wednesday that I needed a creative outlet when I got home that night. Here's what I made:

I saw a Facebook post with this verse on it when I was home for lunch Wednesday afternoon. I've read it thousands of times in my life, but it really spoke to me Wednesday. God's plans for me are the reason I'm doing all this; why I have the job I have and why I'm in grad school. I'm planning to print this off, frame it, and hang it in my office. Some days, I really need to be reminded that everything I am experiencing fits into God's plan for my life. Thanks to Maggie for creating the great kit I used, Faith365: Choose Joy. You can find it in her store at My Memories or at MagsGraphics.

Click!

So, I had Paul take some pictures of me after work today. After I cropped them, these were my favorites.

I went with the last one. There was one more picture that cracked me up. It's my Faceboook profile pic at the moment. This is what happened when I told him I wanted a pic I wouldn't have to crop too much:

I actually like it.

Oh, and on the second day of classes, I have both of my assignments for this week submitted! Now I just need to read ahead.

Spring is here!

Sort of. Today is the first day of the Spring semester. Believe it or not, I've been waiting for it. Book vouchers started last Monday, so we went to the university after I got off work Tuesday. I was shocked. For six books, only two of which were available used, my voucher was a grand total of $175.15. One class is web-enhanced, the other is web-only. I sent in my introduction for the web class. Dr. H, the professor of the web-enhanced class, wants us to include a picture with the intro. No problem! As soon as I have Paul take a good one after I get off work tomorrow. I have pictures, with no makeup, from Thanksgiving and Christmas. Since this is for something professional (or at least professional-like) I want to be wearing makeup. And not have a zebra print Snuggie pulled up to my chin. These were my options:

October 2013. I took this one on my phone while I was at work. (I was documenting how well my hair held up throughout the day.)

Thanksgiving 2013

Christmas Eve 2013

January 2014. I had Paul take this for a digital scrapbooking challenge, then I cropped the pic in PicMonkey.

None of these are what I want to portray to my professor and my class. I'll post the one I use, hopefully tomorrow! 

There don't appear to be any reading assignments for this week, but I want to start reading for next week. TTFN - Ta ta for now!

Happy New Year!

Well, I was completely lazy today. I intended to take down the Christmas tree and take the wreath off the door. Didn't happen. I napped, watched TV, did one scrapbook layout, and played on Facebook. I just found two pictures I just loved.

This was posted by this page on Facebook. It's one of my favorite quotes, so I had to share it.

I need to take a picture of Noelle like this next year. Cracked me up! With all my Elf on the Shelf searching and browsing, I'm surprised I just now saw this.

Laughter is great any day, but I can't think of a much better way to start the new year. May we all allow God to guide us into His will for our lives in 2014.