Thank you, God and amazon.com!

First thing this morning, payday, I ordered my textbooks - a grand total of $234.55. It could've been a little higher. I was considering spending another $3.99 for one business day shipping for my human growth and development book. I was going back and forth in my decision to pay for shipping or just use the free two day shipping. I mean, with Monday being a holiday, I wouldn't get it until some time Tuesday, which would be too late for me to read the chapter. I had pretty much decided to just go with the free shipping anyway. Then I realized something that made me realize I was making the right decision; Amazon offers a free seven day trial to download on the Kindle. I've ordered my books, which should be here Wednesday and Thursday (which actually confuses me since both are being sent from Amazon), and I still have access to read the chapter before the test Tuesday night. Now, if I can just get everything read and get the papers written on time. Like I knew all along, God's already got this all figured out. And He answered another prayer pretty quickly.

 

I saw this posted on the Facebook page God Bless You. I immediately thought about all the things I've shared on here this week. It just cemented how important it is to not only pray, but to stop and listen so I can hear when He speaks. I can't remember where in the Bible it is, but I seem to remember a verse that says that the wise man remains silent and the fool speaks. I think it was somewhere in Proverbs. It is very good advice, no matter where I read it. One thing I have learned is that every thought that enters my mind doesn't have to exit my mouth. I sometimes still speak before I think, but not nearly as often as I did when I was younger. For a long time, I didn't really have a filter. I've also learned that sometimes, even when what I have to say is true and beneficial, I don't have to be the one to say it. Sometimes it's better to let someone else figure it out for him/herself. Sometimes people need to think of something themselves to be able to accept it.

How did I do it?

I was just thinking about when I was an undergrad. I went to college most days and worked most evenings, yet I was still able to get my homework done and not be tired all the time. Then I thought about it some more. I went straight from high school to college; I was only 22 when I graduated with my B.S. And my work schedule was much different. During my first two years of college, I worked on campus, often during long breaks between classes, or after my classes were finished. I also worked weekends as the hostess at a restaurant. Between the two jobs, I almost worked full-time hours while I was taking 12-13 hours per semester. After I transferred to complete the upper division classes, I was working one part-time job, mostly in the evenings, but I was easily able to work around my class schedule. I lived at home with my parents and sisters. I had very little financial responsibility.

My life as a grad student is quite different. I work a full-time job and have bills to pay. My work schedule is not very flexible. I'm a substance abuse counselor for an intensive outpatient treatment program. For the past year, I have worked three 10 hour days per week, ending at 9:00 pm (approximately, anyway!); my other 10 hours were spread out over two days. Since I have two evening classes this semester, I now only work two 10 hour days, spreading my other 20 hours over three days, two of which end early due to my classes. I still don't get home until after 9 pm three nights a week. (This week it was four nights because I chose to do something else instead of coming straight home Tuesday night.) It's pretty hard to get a lot done during the week, which means most of my reading and studying must happen on the weekends. I mean, I'm still reading the same article I started reading Tuesday for my web class.

Is there ever really a perfect time to continue your education? I seriously doubt it. After this semester, I'll decide if I'll be a full-time or part-time grad student next year. All summer, I kept thinking how much easier this would all be if I were teaching instead of counseling. I'm not so sure I was right. During the summer, yes. If I weren't working during the summer, then it would be easier to complete two classes per summer semester. Listening to my teacher classmates Monday and Tuesday night, I decided that they probably don't have much of an advantage over me, if any. And many of them are parents. I think they definitely have a harder time than I do getting everything done. The thought "If I would've just gone into education in the first place, I wouldn't be in this situation now" creeps into my head. One thing I've learned in the 23 years since I graduated high school is that I wasn't ready then. Now I'm ready. That wasn't my time; this is. God knew exactly what I was going to do before I was ever even born. Right now, I am exactly where He wants me to be. Or, at least, I'm working on it.

Me? Impatient?!

Maybe just a little bit (note sarcasm here). I cannot tell you how many times a day I think about calling Financial Aid to see if they've starting reviewing my financial aid application yet. But I don't. Really, I don't want to be one of those students. You know the ones I mean. The people (students) that think they are the only ones that are important. Somehow, out of all the students whose financial aid applications have not yet been reviewed and approved, those students think their applications should be bumped to the top of the list and be reviewed first. Their financial aid is more important than that of any other student. Honestly, I know I'm not that special and that my application is no more important than the application on top of the stack. On the other hand, I am selfish and impatient. These are two of the character defects I recognize in myself most often. I am no more important than anyone else and deserve no special treatment. And I really think I don't want special treatment. I just think the system should be revamped.

I can't remember exactly how much of the situation I have already explained here, so, here it goes. After I had already registered for both Summer I and Summer II semesters, I received a notification that my pace percentage was too low. The summer semesters were "warning" semesters and I would be ineligible for financial aid in the Fall semester if my pace was not 67% or above by the end of summer. Had I known this was the case before I registered for summer, I would have only taken classes in Summer I. Since that semester ended in July, there would have been ample time for my financial aid application for 2013-2014 to be reviewed and my award offered and accepted prior to the beginning of the fall semester. Why did I register for both summer semesters at the same time? Because financial aid is awarded for both summer semesters at the same time, which makes sense.

Here's how I think it should work. When a student has a warning semester for inadequate pace percentage, the Financial Aid office should go ahead and review the application, then put it on hold until the warning semester is completed. If the student's pace percentage is now at an acceptable level, offer him or her the approved amount. The student can then accept whatever portion of the award he or she so chooses and be on track for the beginning of the semester. But that's just my opinion. I understand that some students still won't meet pace, which makes reviewing those applications a complete waste of time. With the economy as it is, not all students (obviously!) have the financial resources to purchase the required textbooks and supplies on their own. I am fortunate that God has blessed me as He has. I will be able to purchase my books Friday - in two days - but will not have much extra money for things like gas for the car, food, etc. I'm not complaining, but I'm sure there are students in similar situations that won't be able to get their books until their financial aid is approved and, maybe, disbursed.

I know God is in charge of my financial aid. In the grand scheme of things, this is a minor problem, even though it seems so important to me right now. He's also in charge of my textbooks. (You remember that discussion from the last couple days, right?) After Paul checked at Textbook Brokers for me, I learned today that they have neither of the books I need in stock. Since the university bookstore is so much more expensive, I will be ordering my books from amazon.com. No problem. I registered for the student account thingy, so I get free two day shipping for now. Then I realized, there is a bit of a problem. Payday is Friday, which is followed by Saturday and Sunday, which are not business days. Okay, maybe I can pay for extra shipping to get at least the book I need to read first on Monday. There's the problem. Monday is Labor Day, so it isn't a business day, either. The next business day will be Tuesday. I work from 8 am to 2:30 pm, then get something to eat and go to class. No time to read and actually comprehend a chapter before class at 4:00. I have decided that it's not a huge deal. Dr. R said we will discuss the chapter before taking the multiple choice quiz. I am not completely ignorant of human growth and development. I had to take it for my Bachelor's in Psychology. Unfortunately, I completed that degree in 1994. During the class, I should be able to absorb enough to at least answer some of the 25 questions right. And the quizzes aren't a huge part of our final grade. Not being prepared for one quiz won't kill me. No reason for me to really stress about it. Besides, God's got this!

Just be quiet and listen . . .

Those are words I've heard many, many times in my life. Or at least some variation of them. I've heard it from my parents, my sisters, my teachers, my friends, my husband, even my five year old nephew. I'd probably hear them from my pets/babies if they could speak. Most of all, I've heard them from God. I don't hear Him like I hear my family. Like many Christians (Yes, I said the word. If it bothers you, that's your issue, not mine.), I often hear God speak to me through thoughts that seemingly come from nowhere, internal feelings--sometimes peaceful, sometimes anxious--basically when I'm actually taking time to be quiet and listen. I heard Him say this to me this morning during a rather slow time at work. I looked at the payments that will come out of this check. I looked at the prices of the books again. I definitely won't be buying them from the university bookstore, but I will have the money to buy my books. That's great, since I found out tonight in Human Growth and Development that we will have a chapter test each week, beginning next Tuesday.

God definitely answers prayers. This time, He worked pretty quickly. Of course, I would've preferred to have the answer before last night. But, as I often remind myself, He knows the whole plan. And it's perfect. I don't know how many times I've heard somebody say that God didn't answer their prayer. I understand the confusion; I used to think the same thing. As I have grown in my relationship with God, one of the biggest things I've learned is that He always answers the sincere prayer. I asked for God not to let my papaw die. He said "No, I know better." I asked God to bring me the man He had designed to be my husband. He said "Wait. I'll bring him when you're ready." I asked God for a way to get my textbooks. He said "Yes." I just had to slow down, be quiet, and listen to Him. If I'd done that last night, I may have gotten my answer then.

No books? No problem.

My first face to face class this semester has come and gone. It's an educational research class, so you know what that means: RESEARCH! At the end of the semester, I'll be turning in a research proposal. I'm not exactly sure what that means at this point, but I'm guessing I will be writing a proposal for some topic to be researched. I've printed off everything I need for this week in my web-based class, which is about using technology in education. (I'm really pretty excited about this one!) I'll be off and running on it. Tomorrow night is the first meeting of my human growth and development class. (I don't have high expectations; I've had an undergrad class with the same name. How different can it really be? I guess I'll start finding out tomorrow.) This semester will be busy, but definitely doable. Especially since the technology class is only a seven week class.

When I admitted to grad school in 1999, I enrolled in two classes. Due to work, I had the enviable choice of dropping a class or failing it. Since I elected to drop the class, my pace percentage for financial aid was below 67%. By completing all four of my classes this summer, I raised my pace percentage to an acceptable level. What's the problem with that? Summer II ended Friday, August 16. The financial aid hold wasn't removed until Tuesday, August 20. Fall classes started today, Monday, August 26. My financial aid hasn't been approved yet. I don't know if they've even started reviewing it yet. All I know is that a guy from Financial Aid told me that I am in line for review as of the 20th. Oh, I also know that there is currently a peak in financial aid applications. (He told me that, too.) My financial aid will "hopefully" be approved in "the near future". He suggested I check my university email and web for students regularly (which I translated to "daily"), so I can accept the offer and satisfy any requests as soon as possible. I was able to get an emergency tuition loan and sign up for a payment plan, and I have a $500 scholarship this semester, so my tuition is all good for now. My problem is books. I don't just have a lot of extra money after the bills are paid. At the lowest possible prices for used books from amazon.com, the books would cost about $200. Since I don't have a student loan with a refund yet, I can't get a book voucher. Now I get to see how God is going to work out a way for me to have my books in time to complete the first assignments. Oh, yeah, and pass a test over the first five chapters in two weeks.

Have I mentioned that I'm not very patient with things like this? I need to have a plan. I need to have the things I need in advance. Some people are comfortable not having a book on the first day of class. I am not one of them. I was always the nerd that would start reading Chapter 1 before the semester even started. I am pretty anal about my grades. I need to jump right in and start reading the chapters. I am so out of my comfort zone right now.

And I have a feeling that's right where God wants me. He wants me to depend on Him to get my books instead of scheming and finding a way on my own. (My usual MO.) I guess it's just a part of leaving the big fish.

I'm so . . .

Anxious. I think that's the word I'm looking for. My first fall semester class is at 6:00. Work was not the typical Monday with all kinds of craziness and chaos. It was too quiet. I had a grand total of two, count them, two clients show for their sessions. At lunch, I went home to eat and print the goodies for my web based class. My printer wouldn't print. I guess the poor thing's rebelling because it wants more ink. At least that's what I'm hoping the problem is. I guess I'll find out when I get home tonight with a nice, full ink cartridge.

In the midst of all my anxiety and night-before-first-day-of-the-new-semester freaking out, Paul calmly says "I'm proud of you." I look at him like he just told me he ate my chocolate. He says "For going back to school and working full-time." He knows how to calm me down when I'm a nervous wreck. One of the many reasons I love him so much.

Leaving the big fish? What the heck?

Are you familiar with the biblical story of Jonah? If you aren't here's a brief summary. God tells Jonah what He wants him to do. Jonah says "No way! I know you're God and all, but I'm doing what I wanna do." He ends up in a big storm, knows it's his own fault, and, long story short, gets swallowed by a big fish. I think most of us have these times; times when we know what God wants us to do, but we refuse. I've been doing that most of my life.

Before I even made it to high school, I knew God wanted me to be a teacher. I don't remember if I ever told my parents that I was going to be a teacher, but I knew. Then I entered my rebellious phase. And my mom became a teacher. She graduated college just days before I graduated high school. Everyone expected me to be a teacher. I decided I wanted to be a lawyer. That idea only lasted a few years. Again, long story short, I am currently a Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor in the state of Texas. 

I have made many mistakes in my life and tried to run my life my own way. God knows best. I am finally willing to follow His calling. In June, I enrolled in graduate school. I am working to become a certified middle school teacher through the Alternative Certification Program at Texas A&M University - Texarkana. When I'm done, I'll also have a Master's of Science in Curriculum and Instruction. So far, it isn't going the way I wanted. I wasn't able to secure a teaching position for the 2013-2014 school year, which means I'll have to do Student Teaching in the spring semester. I'm disappointed and a little worried. But, I know God is in charge. 

This blog is my way to share about my struggle to leave the big fish and follow God, depending on Him and trying to remember to pray instead of worry.